Apocalypse Delayed: Whew That Was A Close One!
(c) David Volk

Scientists predicting a sudden advance into end times marked by out of control global warming, international cataclysms and unrest in the middle east were forced to reset their doomsday clocks when one of the predicted precipitating events failed to occur. The Seattle Seahawks lost the Superbowl to the Pittsburgh Steelers 21-10.

"The Steelers really saved our bacon," said I.M Shirley Wright, the scientist who originally uncovered a Nostradamus manuscript predicting the final days when "mythical flying creatures from the sky would lay waste to those who forge the very elements of the earth."

"The Seattle Seahawks are named after a bird that does not exist and the Steelers were named in honor of the men and women who worked in the city's steel mills," Wright said.

Immediately following the game, local, state and federal civil defense authorities were put on stand down and dogs and cats were ordered to stop sleeping together.