Although it has not been widely publicized, the Bush administration
has
made
a few interesting changes to its No Child Left Behind program of late.
Remember, you heard them here first.
Effective immediately, the administration has agreed to allow
problem school districts to adopt a strategy from the World War II era
when
there
were far fewer discipline problems.
As of the start of this school year, districts will be able to avoid
leaving
any child behind by shooting any student who ruins the grading curve by
repeatedly failing federally mandated standardized tests.
In the first example of inter-agency cooperation between the Department
of
Education and the Office of Homeland Security, school boards will not
have
to spend money on weapons, bullets or executioners to carry out this
policy.
Instead, Homeland Security will use off-duty airline pilots in exchange
for
their free weapons training.
HARDSHIP EXCEPTION. In a nod towards its continuing policy
of
compassionate conservatism, the Bush administration will allow for a
humanitarian exception to the above policy and will waive the early
termination provision if said student agrees to military service in an
international hot spot.
As a result, children in danger of being left behind the rest
of the people
in their classroom will now be sent to the front....in Iraq.