Good Job George Bush
© David Volk

A few months back a member of the rant list asked if I ever had anything positive to say about George W. Bush. As I recall, I couldn1t think of anything at the time, but that was before the new employment figures came out earlier this month.

Unlike most liberal ideologues, I believe we do owe congratulations where congratulations is due.

And so, in a spirit of bi-partisanship, which doesn1t seem to exist anywhere any more, I would like to offer George W. Bush a hearty congratulations on his job numbers for the month of March. He1s taken credit for it and he deserves it.

No matter how you slice it, 308,000 new jobs is a pretty impressive number.

Even if you subtract the 50,000 or so California Safeway employees who are included in that number despite the fact that their jobs weren1t really new, they were just returning to their old jobs, 258,000 is still outstanding. And even if you go a step further and subtract the 75,000 short term, seasonal construction jobs that will disappear when the weather turns cold shortly after the election, that1s still 183,000 new jobs, and that1s not too shabby, either.

Of course, it doesn1t include the 12,000 jobs that Bank of America is eliminating this month ( or the 3,000 or so jobs that DuPont is cutting, many in the manufacturing sector (, but still 168,000 isn1t bad and I think we should all applaud his good work.

There were no jobs gained in the manufacturing sector, but Bush has a plan to increase those figures, too. His administration plans to change the industrial classification of fast food restaurants from the service sector to the manufacturing sector. There1s also a rumor that his administration is considering adding the booming business of methamphetamine labs to the manufacturing sector as well.

Now that Bush has finally gotten out ahead of the curve and taken credit for one of the accomplishments of his administration, I1d like to see him tout his own horn about many of his other major achievements including:

POLLUTION REDUCTION. Fewer trees are littering the landscape on federal forest land and that1s a good thing. After all, only forests can cause forest fires.

LITTER REDUCTION. Less governmental regulation of the environment and weaker governmental agencies means less of a need for new regulations to be written and fewer citations issued to actual violators. And less paper means less litter.

IMPROVED NATIONAL SECURITY. Now that Bush and Asscroft have brought Osama bin Martha to justice, the country is a much safer place. Women will still find it difficult to balance career, family and their personal lives, but once Martha Stewart is behind bars, we1ll all feel so less guilty about our inability to throw a dinner party for 23 on a Wednesday night because no one will keep reminding us about our shortcomings and the fact that no matter how hard we try, we still don1t have our own people.

INCREASED EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES. In India, Mexico and other countries where American corporations are outsourcing jobs. You can1t really blame Bush for thinking this is a good thing. He is, after all, the first resident of the White House who had his job completely outsourced. To Dick Cheney.

BEING A UNITER, NOT A DIVIDER. Although the level of rhetoric coming out of his administration has turned the right against the left, Democrats against Republicans and even some Republicans against members of their own party, he has still lived up to his promise of being a uniter. Unfortunately, it1s Iraq1s Shiite and Sunni Moslems who have united in hate against America, but nobody1s perfect.

Well done, George. Well done.

I can hardly wait to hear what he tells the 9/11 commission about his great accomplishments in the war on terror and in Iraq.

Oh, wait, I forgot. He1s doing it in private. With Dick Cheney. And not under oath.

Well, I1m sure whatever he says, it will be good because he1s a man who likes to take credit where credit is due.

Which is why he1ll proudly sit up straight in his chair, look committee members straight in the eye...and blame it all on Bill Clinton.

David G(otta hit the streets) Volk