Doing The Funky Chicken, Eating The Jive Turkey...
(c) David Volk
More Shticks. More shtones.
JIVE TURKEY SANDWICH
Good news! I just had a turkey sandwich for lunch. And it was goooooood.
Go ahead. Roll your eyes. See what I care. By now, most of you are so tired of the bird that you’re likely contemplating leaving a pan of it on your neighbor’s doorstep, hitting the doorbell and running, but not me.
Although we’ve had a kosher home for five years, this is the first year we’ve had meat for the holidays…or any other day for that matter and I’m loving the leftovers. Even if we did have to have 19 people over for dinner to get them. I even have a side of Mama Stamberg’s cranberry relish to accompany it.
So, let’s see. Turkey curry, tomorrow. Turkey casserole, the day after. Then it’s the weekend, so I could have turkey pancakes for breakfast, turkey salad for lunch and….does anybody know how to make a turkey shake?
IT’S NOT A LIE, REALLY. IT’S JUST A JOB APPLICATION
Twenty years after he told the Reagan administration he would be proud to help the Reagan argue that the U.S. Constitution did not grant the right to an abortion, Supreme Court Justice Wanna-be Samuel Alito told Sen. Dianne Feinstein that, well, to be honest he just made those claims because he was trying to get a job.
As Feinstein tells it, Alito said, “First of all, it was different then. I was an advocate seeking a job, it was a political job and that was 1985. I’m now a judge, I’ve been on the circuit court for 15 years and it’s very different.”
Um….no offense, your honor, but if a confirmation hearing isn’t a job interview, what the hell is it?
I READ PLAYBOY FOR THE ARTICLES AND I DRINK THIS STUFF FOR THE TASTE….
I’ve long known that I need to cut my caffeine intake, so I decided to put my foot down a few weeks ago when I had dinner at a local Thai restaurant.
So, you can’t imagine how shocked I was when I ordered a no-caffeine Red Bull energy drink and heard the waitress laugh hysterically.
Can’t a guy just drink it for the taste?
SEPARATED AT MIRTH…
Ever wonder what happened to former Vice President Dan Quayle? Although GW is making the former Veep under Bush one look like a Rhodes Scholar, I can honestly say I haven’t really missed him. Until recently.
Am I the only one that has noticed an uncanny resemblance between him (http://www.nndb.com/people/781/000024709/dan-quayle.jpg) and Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts (http://www.illinoisfamily.org/content/img/f27262/ Judge%20John%20Roberts.jpg)?
Granted, it’s a Federal Witness Relocation Program-plastic-surgery kind of resemblance, but just ask yourself, has anyone heard from Dan Quayle lately?
THE ARTFUL DODGER
If it’s true that many are called, but few men answer, it’s even truer that one man appears to never answer the call to civic duty at all: George W. Bush.
He not only didn’t report for jury duty in Crawford, TX this week, he also failed to respond to the summons calling him to perform what is considered the duty of every U.S. citizen. (http://www.wacotrib.com/news/content/news/stories/2005/12/01/ 20051201wacbushjuryduty.html).
Maybe it’s a good thing for any potential defendant that Bush didn’t show. I hear he already has his mind made up and he plans to stay the course.
Not only that, but Dick Cheney wouldn’t be there to tell him what to do because the vice president isn’t a citizen of Texas.
(It is worth noting the contrast between Bush and his campaign opponent, John Kerry. In a repeat of history, although Bush is busy dodging the call, Kerry happily reported for jury duty just last month. One woman who served on the same jury said she now regretted voting for Bush. [http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05328/611760.stm.])
From a man who’s avoiding work,
David G(eeze, where did all this snow come from) Volk