© David Volk


It's a good thing. At least for me, any way.
It means I can bother you at high speeds, then cut and run. It's kind of like the golden rule. No, not the one that says, "He has the gold, rules." I'm talking about the other one: Do unto others...then scram.

As you know, the rant has been having technical difficulties. Tied to operator error, no doubt. Said operator being me. The whole thing started when I traveled to Alaska to visit a relative who has been stationed up there and tried to transfer all my rant list addresses to my laptop. At that time, three things happened. The first was that I tried to transfer my contact list to my new computer...and failed. Instead, I only succeeded in making a duplicate copy of my address list. Then, in an effort to get rid of the duplicate addresses I deleted the copies and somehow managed to delete the whole rant list (which means I'm having to reconstitute it from old responses to old rants). Third, was third? Oh yeah, I had limited internet access, so I didn't actually get to send the rant saying that I was in Alaska until I returned home.

Which has created the additional problem of having people telling me that they hope I enjoy my stay in Alaska at a time when I'm already back.

As if that weren't confusing enough, I ended up making a return to Alaska much earlier than I expected. Which, of course, means that I'm writing this from Alaska. And if you don't read this right away, you'll probably be responding to me and telling me that you hope I enjoy Alaska about the time I get home (I return Monday).

If you're confused, think about how I feel. I thought that having seven weeks with my wife away would allow me more time to write rants. Instead, I've been on the run so much, I haven't had the time I needed to write funny stuff. Hell, in the last three weeks, I think I've only been home about three or four days and I've been on deadline for most of them. First there was Alaska, then there was a three day trip to Victoria, then two days later, back to Anchorage. I will be back in Seattle just long enough to write a story or two, then I head out to a family reunion for the eighty-fifth birthday of a close relative in Hollywood, Florida over Memorial day weekend. Then, I'll be back for a grand total of five days and take another Israel where I'll be attending a wedding and, possibly, doing a story on the Israeli koi industry.

Oh, and then there's the possibility of a trip to Vietnam in August....unless the need to do publicity for my book keeps me here. In which case, I might be traveling to Sacramento to visit my sister's new baby. As far as I know, she doesn't know whether the child will be a boy or a girl. I can hardly wait to hear, so I'll know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

I have tried my best to be supportive of my sister when she's pregnant. The last time I saw her, for example, I asked if she was sure if the baby was hers. I'm nothing if not helpful.

And I thought it was going to be a quiet summer with me sitting at home being lonely. Guess again. Heck, I'll probably be making another trip to Alaska in July as it now appears that my relative will be returning to Anchorage for another stint as head nurse at the facility here after said relative returns from an officer's course in San Antonio.

Meanwhile, our lawn and weeds are having a field day, turning our yard into, well, a field. I will be addressing that when I get back, however.

In other news:

**THE TRIBE HAS LANDED....My new book, THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN, can now be found on and Although it comes out in September, it's available for pre-order now. My publisher will be printing up post cards in June for me to send out. If you would like one, or if you would like to send out a bunch to your friends telling them that they should buy this book, please let me know and I'll send you a bunch.

**WE HAVE A WINNER....Just an hour after getting back from Victoria, I was at a Society of Professional Journalists award banquet where I received writing awards in the following areas:

Personality Profiles--Third Place: Meet The Sims, a profile of King County Executive Ron Sims in Seattle Magazine

Arts & Criticism--Third Place: Film on The Fly, a piece about the Seattle International Film Festival's annual Fly Filmmaking Challenge where 10 filmmakers were given a word as a topic for a documentary, then given five hours of tape, five days to film and five days to edit down to five minutes. The story ran in Seattle Magazine.

Humorous Writing--Third Place: The Worst of Seattle, a loving look back at the dumb things Seattle and Seattlites did in the year just past. I was one of three writers on this project that ran in the December issue of Seattle magazine.

I plan to post these on my web site in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.

CONGRATULATIONS, I'M A JEW....Okay, that may be overstating it a bit, but I just completed a Judaism class offered by my synagogue. Although most of the people who take it are those studying for conversion, I took it because I wanted to know more about my religion, such as when is it appropriate to wear the beanies with the propellers and when isn't it okay? Granted, I missed the final class, but I had to come up to visit my relative in Anchorage......

That's how I see it from my perch at Kaladi Coffee in Anchorage.....

That's Kaladi Coffee, not coffee colonic...

From a man who's hop-hop-hopped up on caff-ff-ff-ff-eine,

David G(otta get another one of these, what's in it?) Volk

P.S. More pointed political commentary coming soon.