You have been warned...
© David Volk
Now that Passover has passed over and my wife has left me, I now have plenty of time to write rants. In fact, way too much time to write rants. And that can only mean one thing.
What's that you say? What do I mean about my wife leaving me?
Well, she didn't actually leave, mind you, but she's not here. So, come to think of it, I guess that does mean she left me, but it's not what you're thinking. And, no, it's not like something out of the movie "Rear Window" either. (Although I do have a really big lens.)
Those of you who have been reading the relatively small number of rants I've
been grinding out in the past month or two know that my wife, the army reservist,
was going to be spending seven weeks as head nurse of a small military medical
clinic near Anchorage, AK. I should point out that I'm not really sure what they
treat at small military clinics. For all I know, it could be soldiers in the
armed forces of countries that have only a small number of people in their fighting
forces at any one time or it could be for nations that only conscript midgets.
I'm just not sure.
This of course, reminds me of an old joke I heard in college.
Where do Polish generals keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
Be that as it may (or April in this case, as May is still weeks away), my wife shipped out yesterday, and now I am free to do as I please in the privacy of our home. I can clean if I want to (not), I can stay up into the wee hours of the morning, I can scratch myself in personal places, I can dance if I want to, I can leave my friends behind, because my friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine. .'Um' 'er' where was I?
I can also write rants as late as I want whenever I want.
Which means, dear readers, that you will probably be seeing an increased flow of rants over the coming days. As always, some of them will be funny, some of them will be political and some of them will just make you scratch your head and ask what the hell I smoked the day that I wrote that. I will be interested to hear your thoughts on the increased rant traffic.
I'd also like to get your feedback on my political rants. I know most of the people on the list are liberals, so a lot of it will be preaching to the choir. Still, it seems like there are times when I'm out with people and all talk eventually turns to politics. And, to be quite honest, it can get pretty dull. Yes, I know that if my candidate does not win, this country as we know it will cease to exist, personal liberties will be curtailed, the rich will get richer, icebergs will recede at a faster rate, the planet will crumble, the earth will spin out of its orbit, aliens will invade, gay marriage will be outlawed but dogs and cats will start sleeping together and people will begin moving the cheese increasingly more often for all the wrong reasons.
Still, too much political coverage can get pretty dull. So, I'm going to try to balance things out between seriously funny and the truly goofy. With the present administration, it won't be easy because every day seems to sing out for another commentary, but a freelance writer only has so much free time to rant before his work begins to suffer and the paychecks stop rolling in. Since I have this terrible habit of liking to eat, I do need to get some work done after all.
And so do you. Which is why you should stop reading this nonsense right now and get back to workso that you'll have more time to read the rest of the nonsense I'll be sending you without getting in trouble with your boss.
Just remember, you have been forewarned.
You would have been forearmed, but then you would also need to be foresleeve.
I gotta get back to work,
David G(ee, I'm lonely) Volk
P.S. If you want more rants, you should give that
new liberal radio network a try. You can't find it on the radio dial in most
cities, but you can get it on the internet at www.airamericaradio.com. Check
it out. It's a stitch.